Are You Living in Alignment With Your True Self? And what does it cost you, if you’re not?
Hello,
This summer, I took time off to walk the Camino Portuguese. Everyone has their own reason for walking the Camino. Mine was to practice being, not doing.
Beginning in Porto, each new day was simple: put one foot in front of the other, and journey inward. After fourteen days, as I approached Santiago de Compostela, I felt a quiet sadness that my walk was ending. That sadness told me something — the path really was the destination, not the cathedral at the end of it.
My inner journey didn’t end there, though. Thoughts and emotions kept surfacing even after I got home. Today, I want to share a reflection on one of the questions that came up along the way.
Am I living in alignment with my true self? And what does it cost me, if I’m not?
Like many of us, I’ve spent most of my life focused on doing instead of being — driven by the idea that our accomplishments, beyond meeting our basic needs, define who we are. But is the identity we build from what we do and what we achieve actually who we are? I don’t think so. And I believe living out of alignment with our true self carries a real cost to our happiness and well-being.
That’s why, throughout my various careers, I’ve taken mini sabbaticals — time carved out just to be with myself, with nothing to accomplish. That was my intention for this summer’s walk on the Camino. My only task each day was to get up and walk. In the space that opened up, one insight kept surfacing:
I think many of us, without quite realizing it, carry an identity that isn’t fully true to who we are — that isn’t our true self. The identity we build is something we put on, like a suit or a dress: for some it’s a title or a position, for others the possessions they’ve accumulated, for others still it’s the trophies they’ve won.
So what’s wrong with that?
Nothing, on its own. Success creates real moments of happiness. But what happens when the title is gone, the possessions don’t matter anymore, or the trophies stop coming? If someone has attached their identity to that suit or dress instead of their true self, they suffer — and often they don’t even know why. It takes enormous energy to hold up an identity that isn’t aligned with who you really are. I’ve watched people close to me pay for that over years — burning out, or sliding into something heavier, like depression. That’s part of why I wanted to write this.
It can happen to anyone. If I hadn’t noticed the warning signs in myself, it could have happened to me too.
So I’d encourage you to ask yourself the same question: am I living in alignment with my true self?
That’s easier said than done. But I’d start here: create space that lets you actually know yourself. It doesn’t have to be a walk on the Camino — time in nature, with art, with literature, or in meditation can do the same thing. Anywhere you’re not trying to accomplish something. Then let whatever emerges — a thought, a feeling, a memory — arrive on its own, without forcing it. Those are glimpses of your true self.
The Camino gave me the space to listen into myself. What would it take for you to give yourself that space?
Thank you, and please feel free to share with those you care about.
Reiner
About the Book
| ASPIRE: Seven Essential Emotions for Leading Positive Change Order ASPIRE (English edition) on Amazon.com or the Amazon webpage for your country: https://a.co/d/7RopGq0 | ASPIRE: Führen mit Emotionen (German edition) Order from Verlag Barbara Budrich: https://shop.budrich.de/produkt/aspire-fuehren-mit-emotionen/ Order on Amazon.de: https://amzn.eu/d/gfCk4cP |